all eyes

We all seek some form of validation. Whether it's someone laughing at your dry jokes, your mom telling you she's proud of you, or a wink from a stranger.

Tonight at work I met a man, Earl, who considers himself an exhibitionist. I knew this man was special, (special is a euphemism for weird, kooky, etc.) when he immediately stated after I poured his coke that he quit drinking a year ago, cold turkey. He did it in a rather odd, rushed manner. Next thing I know he is showing me a flyer for the documentary short film he just screened, that was about him. I scanned the CUFF blurb and realized that Earl is into some kinky stuff.

I was very conscientious that he wanted a reaction from me, but quite frankly I've pretty much seen and heard it all. He was extremely enthusiastic and forward to share with me his penchant for getting aroused whilst posing nude. I mentioned that when I was in college I did nude modeling for figure drawing classes, and I sketched models in art school. I understand that sometimes men just can't hide their excitement; and the next thing you know there's a very awkward perpendickular angle you must now incorporate into your sketch. I also mentioned a piece that Dash Snow did where he had several different men 'finish' on a huge canvas with the words, "How much talent does it really take to come on the New York Post, anyway?" He was unfamiliar with Dash Snow's work, and yet became visibly sad when I mentioned he died this summer. Earl really thought he could work with Dash Snow. Another topic I brought up with Earl was an article I read in the NYTimes about an orgasm commune in San Fran. Run by a slightly feminist woman helping women find peace, confidence, and pleasure in having at least one orgasm day.

Several times throughout the conversation Earl told me, "That's hot" or "Have you thought about posing nude again, but for a photographer?". No Earl, I have not thought about doing porn. Although I truly don't think he sees it as porn, more so artistic expression or just being naked and free. However, I'm sure he's just an old perv.

The other odd thing that comes with this already peculiar man is that he is a huge Bible banging Baptist. I suppose this isn't too much of a shocker, I feel as if I've read about a similar man or woman in a Dear Dan Savage article . The best/weird part was at the end of our conversation Earl gave me a hand written note that said,
" Earl Smith
630-XXX-XXXX
CELL 708-XXX-XXXX
NUDE MODEL
VERY INTO EXHIBITIONISM
FOR FREE, IN FRONT OF WOMEN GROUP
LOVE MASTURBATION..."


I will spare the salacious end to the note, but he closed it all with a big puffy exclamation point.

Before leaving he asked one more time if I've thought about posing nude for a photographer. I said, "Earl, there was a time in my life when I needed existential validation for my body, but now I'm more open to/with myself and have less of a need to be open to others."

Never was I creeped out nor did I feel sorry for him. I think we all want attention.
Earl just wants it while he's naked.