'if you've never wanted to kill your mate, you've never been in love.'
c. rock
i heard that quote on the radio this morning... wait i should come clean on this. i listen the the most absolutely asinine radio program in the morning while i get ready for work. no really. so ridiculous and indulgent that i won't say exactly which station it is ---but it's on the wrong end of the dial.
so, i heard a comedy bit on the radio about (spouses mostly) relationships, and this quote is what resonated most with me. from all the stories i've heard about breakups and falling in love --- the notion of wanting to kill the person you're with made the most sense. call me morbid, but it's a very black and white concept for such a grey emotion/verb etc.
recently i had a long conversation with a dear friend about love and how it's such an irrational emotion. you do the most mentally unbalanced things, all without reservation. this friend who is one of the more logical and sensible people i know, mentioned his current love and how he felt feelings of rage and disdain when certain topics (of the jealous variety) came up.
IT IS chaotic and messy and hopeless and splattered and complicated and twisted and pure and simple and sordid... but i can't say i know what that feels like. it has escaped me.
that's why i question mating for life or marriage. is love a social confine that was invented to keep us on a path to procreation? or is it really just this idea/feeling that happens, and is there for no good reason?
9 comments:
umm... i'm gonna have to think about this for a bit.
according to chris rock, i have been in love twice.
a-
i think sometimes love is comfortable, trusting and caring- but most of all- comfortable. and that comfort is why people stay together/get married. and also probably because a lot of things add up- you have similar lifestyles/dreams/goals. or you are opposites, and you balance each other out- because you are ready to be on a team and think it will be the best way to be successful for you. not because of the crazy stuff. i think that the crazy stuff you are talking about ain't the real thing. that's the thing in movies. it is part of the mess of human relationships, the fuzz before the picture clears. some people love it like that, but i personally have not ever found those feelings good. i dated a guy once who made me crazy- and i know now i didn't love him.
i love the one i'm with now because he stops by on his way home sometimes just to give me a hug. because he looks at me like i'm the only one in the room- and i am selfish and that shit makes me feel really special. but mostly because i trust him, and know that we both want to make each other happy. and he doesn't play games, bullshit or drama. we are opposites in a lot of ways, he keeps me in check and makes me laugh at myself- and i think it makes me a better person, which i think is the ultimate goal.
really, i don't mean to define 'love' or whatever- but more just respond to this notion of relating.
-r
r- there are no rules here. i'm so happy that your definition is one from a sane and solid place. everyone has a different definition-- there's no right or wrong answer. and i am overjoyed that someone treats you the way you deserve to be treated. that is one of my highest hopes for all of those that i love.
andrea -- i love you. does that make me crazy? i think not.
yo! call me vain, but i think i am the friend you are referring to in this post. if not, take this as another thought. if so, i really didnt mean for the feelings to come across as those of jealousy when thinking of my current loves past love(r)s. its more of a feeling of the heart dropping. skipping a beat. like a small shock. similar to the feeling that one has when they realize they overslept and are late for something.
chris rock's statement, though seemingly intended to be sensationalist and funny, is, in my opinion, sad and wrong. i feel intense love for the woman i am with and it comes with some irrationality (like the feeling i was intially writing about) and yet, all i want for her is good things. no harm in her direction. at all.
when one feels what chris rock is referring to, i believe, they are one who impresses their hopes and desires on another. i find it crucial to remember that no matter what, the person you love is an individual and there is no guarantee that will even love you the next day. it can be very very likely, but the problem comes in when we try to control. freedom to choose and be oneself is of utmost importance to happiness for me and knowing that things can, and will, be impermanent. this is a scary thought for most (as it is for myself) and challenges the idea of security. yet, we know, there is no certainty with human relations. we can predict and hope. i do. but i do not know for sure. so in the meantime, i try to be brave. hope that my feelings for those i love are reciprocated and move forward knowing that i can adjust to change if need be. knowing it is worth it to me to love and risk and, more importantly, respect my girlfriend.
succinctly: love someone for who they are and if you can not, leave them alone.
ps- as much as i believe in it, i think love is a social consruct.
I think I just took you to 1,ooo, if we're talkin' profile views. Do I win something?
Also, I've never wanted to kill J, and I'm pretty sure he hasn't thought any murderous thoughts about me, except maybe when I don't do my laundry for two weeks.
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