wish i remembered to bring my camera to my dream last night

to do list

watch:
i am cuba (again)
the creak runs red
jeanne dielman
unknown passage: the dead moon story

go see:
new modern wing
aquarium


get out of town

poppy-petalled metaphysics

recently my rad and talented buddy, stiff bequeathed a blog to me that posts old 7"s that t-totally hark back to my youths.
not really into them now, but this ep/album was pretty much on heavy rotation when i was 19.

in other news, remember this lady?
well she's all grown up and got herself an MFA!!! super proud of her!!! and her work is totally majestical. seeeeeee:

evermore

i recall my mom reading to me, at a rather young age 'the raven'. i've always appreciated her insistence to include culture in a multitude of mediums in my upbringing.
that is why when i was watching this and heard this poem by poe it perked my ears and warmed my heart.

I

Hear the sledges with the bells -
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.

II

Hear the mellow wedding bells -
Golden bells!
What a world of happiness their harmony foretells!
Through the balmy air of night
How they ring out their delight!
From the molten-golden notes,
And all in tune,
What a liquid ditty floats
To the turtle-dove that listens, while she gloats
On the moon!
Oh, from out the sounding cells
What a gush of euphony voluminously wells!
How it swells!
How it dwells
On the Future! -how it tells
Of the rapture that impels
To the swinging and the ringing
Of the bells, bells, bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
To the rhyming and the chiming of the bells!

III

Hear the loud alarum bells -
Brazen bells!
What a tale of terror, now, their turbulency tells!
In the startled ear of night
How they scream out their affright!
Too much horrified to speak,
They can only shriek, shriek,
Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire,
In a mad expostulation with the deaf and frantic fire,
Leaping higher, higher, higher,
With a desperate desire,
And a resolute endeavor
Now -now to sit or never,
By the side of the pale-faced moon.
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
Of despair!
How they clang, and clash, and roar!
What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear it fully knows,
By the twanging
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows;
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling
And the wrangling,
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells -
Of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
In the clamor and the clangor of the bells!

IV

Hear the tolling of the bells -
Iron bells!
What a world of solemn thought their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats
From the rust within their throats
Is a groan.
And the people -ah, the people -
They that dwell up in the steeple,
All alone,
And who tolling, tolling, tolling,
In that muffled monotone,
Feel a glory in so rolling
On the human heart a stone -
They are neither man nor woman -
They are neither brute nor human -
They are Ghouls:
And their king it is who tolls;
And he rolls, rolls, rolls,
Rolls
A paean from the bells!
And his merry bosom swells
With the paean of the bells!
And he dances, and he yells;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the paean of the bells,
Of the bells -
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the throbbing of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells -
To the sobbing of the bells;
Keeping time, time, time,
As he knells, knells, knells,
In a happy Runic rhyme,
To the rolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells -
To the tolling of the bells,
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
To the moaning and the groaning of the bells.

paper crane garland

march:
my first (and perhaps only) visit to a sensory deprivation tank
hockey game
crippling lackadaisical-ness
constant pursuit of equanimity
green tea creme brulee
continual indecision on what to do/where to go for vacation
santa fe
in my ears:
goodie '94


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i only hear what i want

photo by: jason lazarus

not exactly sure what the stars say about my current station, but from what i glean my recent friend pool is stuck in revolving door mode. not to say i am loosing friends emotionally, more so geographically. one to the west, one soon to the east, and i stay firmly in the middle. with my loses i've also had some gains which is exciting, but also leaves me a bit anxious. establishing trust with a new pal is something that takes time and intuition. my inherent nature is to divulge and expound at length about my goings on, but then i realize that this person is new to my sphere and i don't want to scare him or her off. my tendency (as i often say) is to tell everyone down to the lady at stanley's produce mart what my business is, "and why for the love of god did he wink at me? what does it all meaaaaan???!". unbiased and unabashed are my two favorite forms of advice. perhaps that's why my solicitation bears no filter as to whom the receiver is at times.

is privacy something you develop or innately possess?

when the dream came, i held my breath

finally over my cold. minor as it was, my lack of olfactory stimuli leaves me feeling as if one hand is tightly tied behind my back. smell after all is the strongest of them all.

fondest memories from my break:
bax and sadie playing french bingo- "le moto!!!"
waking up in brooklyn with snow outside the window and music for airports lulling me back to sleep...
a metric ton of glitter in accompaniment with the phosphorescent fellas, b.g., hearts revolution at the stroke of midnight, and the k&m FTW- NYE 2009!!

just try not get all mushy listening to this:
swedes do it better

property of complacancy

of the chaos that is my family during the holidays, you realize that your/my family is much like most. scattered, heated, but intrinsically humble and loving. awkward at its best and consistently self conscience much like high school or summer camp. all in all, caring and wholeheartedly earnest and determined.

sober and calm. i wouldn't have it any other way. big barrels of laughing and doubled over with antidotes.

in my absence

i've found that the word 'puss' in swedish is actually very sweet:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1139797

the french, play head games like the rest of us:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0814786

i need these bands cooing in my ears

&

"with every good-bye you learn."

tis tru

tuscadero "holidays r hell"

why i love the silver fox: autumn in atlanta

"I seem to be enjoying it too much - for example - on my way here, I stopped by the wondrous ginko trees at Peachtree Battle and collected 100's of golden leaves for Saralee in Miami. She makes bookmarks for her students because they don't know about leaves changing color in autumn ..."

sunrise/sunset

couldn't help but get a little misty as the song 'stamping ground' came on the ol liondre as i walked into the polling booth yesterday.

deep guns

'if you've never wanted to kill your mate, you've never been in love.'
c. rock

i heard that quote on the radio this morning... wait i should come clean on this. i listen the the most absolutely asinine radio program in the morning while i get ready for work. no really. so ridiculous and indulgent that i won't say exactly which station it is ---but it's on the wrong end of the dial.
so, i heard a comedy bit on the radio about (spouses mostly) relationships, and this quote is what resonated most with me. from all the stories i've heard about breakups and falling in love --- the notion of wanting to kill the person you're with made the most sense. call me morbid, but it's a very black and white concept for such a grey emotion/verb etc.
recently i had a long conversation with a dear friend about love and how it's such an irrational emotion. you do the most mentally unbalanced things, all without reservation. this friend who is one of the more logical and sensible people i know, mentioned his current love and how he felt feelings of rage and disdain when certain topics (of the jealous variety) came up.
IT IS chaotic and messy and hopeless and splattered and complicated and twisted and pure and simple and sordid... but i can't say i know what that feels like. it has escaped me.
that's why i question mating for life or marriage. is love a social confine that was invented to keep us on a path to procreation? or is it really just this idea/feeling that happens, and is there for no good reason?

'don't be the magician be magic'

self diagnosis:
magical thinking


on another completely seperate note... go rent the movie control. finally got around to watching it this weekend. sweet, sublime and an achingly poignant portrait of the plight. the plight, that is, settling down too early in life--- then realizing you are in fact NOT with the one you should be with and realizing you're eternally screwed (anyone know a good divorce lawyer?) with this person. AND now you have this child...
ian, sufferer of epileptic fits and a condition known as complacency.
are we supposed to be with just one person our whole life? is it in our nature?

why i love my classmates: reason #1

How did triumphal arches serve the Roman Empire?

"Dude!!! arches were the bee's knee's, the pirates patch, a box to a hobo.... the arch could easily span like 10 times more than a pair of columns, that's like a thousand babies laying head to toe in the middle of an expressway. The arch put Roams it's political point of view, in a physical mass or object. You look at the arch you you think "wow, these guy's aren't playing" and Don't get me wrong, i love columns but the arch is amazing."

and in the morning comes...

you don't need to be so honest

if life were only just:

vs.

all signs point to...

yes, yes you are.

timely a trip to the pnw.
siped a cider upon my return.
the casual calm i had picked up yonder,
quickly dissolved by midday wednesday.


on the farm, every friday
on the farm, it's rabbit pie day,
so, every friday that ever comes along,
i get up early and sing this little song
run rabbit - run rabbit - run! run! run!

history of architecture//week 4

pole

forgot about good ol pole. it's like theanine for my ears.

gross

gospel