property of complacancy

of the chaos that is my family during the holidays, you realize that your/my family is much like most. scattered, heated, but intrinsically humble and loving. awkward at its best and consistently self conscience much like high school or summer camp. all in all, caring and wholeheartedly earnest and determined.

sober and calm. i wouldn't have it any other way. big barrels of laughing and doubled over with antidotes.

in my absence

i've found that the word 'puss' in swedish is actually very sweet:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1139797

the french, play head games like the rest of us:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0814786

i need these bands cooing in my ears

&

"with every good-bye you learn."

tis tru

tuscadero "holidays r hell"

why i love the silver fox: autumn in atlanta

"I seem to be enjoying it too much - for example - on my way here, I stopped by the wondrous ginko trees at Peachtree Battle and collected 100's of golden leaves for Saralee in Miami. She makes bookmarks for her students because they don't know about leaves changing color in autumn ..."

sunrise/sunset

couldn't help but get a little misty as the song 'stamping ground' came on the ol liondre as i walked into the polling booth yesterday.

deep guns

'if you've never wanted to kill your mate, you've never been in love.'
c. rock

i heard that quote on the radio this morning... wait i should come clean on this. i listen the the most absolutely asinine radio program in the morning while i get ready for work. no really. so ridiculous and indulgent that i won't say exactly which station it is ---but it's on the wrong end of the dial.
so, i heard a comedy bit on the radio about (spouses mostly) relationships, and this quote is what resonated most with me. from all the stories i've heard about breakups and falling in love --- the notion of wanting to kill the person you're with made the most sense. call me morbid, but it's a very black and white concept for such a grey emotion/verb etc.
recently i had a long conversation with a dear friend about love and how it's such an irrational emotion. you do the most mentally unbalanced things, all without reservation. this friend who is one of the more logical and sensible people i know, mentioned his current love and how he felt feelings of rage and disdain when certain topics (of the jealous variety) came up.
IT IS chaotic and messy and hopeless and splattered and complicated and twisted and pure and simple and sordid... but i can't say i know what that feels like. it has escaped me.
that's why i question mating for life or marriage. is love a social confine that was invented to keep us on a path to procreation? or is it really just this idea/feeling that happens, and is there for no good reason?

'don't be the magician be magic'

self diagnosis:
magical thinking


on another completely seperate note... go rent the movie control. finally got around to watching it this weekend. sweet, sublime and an achingly poignant portrait of the plight. the plight, that is, settling down too early in life--- then realizing you are in fact NOT with the one you should be with and realizing you're eternally screwed (anyone know a good divorce lawyer?) with this person. AND now you have this child...
ian, sufferer of epileptic fits and a condition known as complacency.
are we supposed to be with just one person our whole life? is it in our nature?